Blog number 200 . . .

What does it mean to be true? To be true to yourself and those around you? When I sit and ponder, I begin to realise just how self centered I am as a person. I want to be others minded, but even in my other mindedness, I am always protecting my fragile self. What would it be like to live life in reckless abandon for others absent of self indulgence? Is this type of thing even remotely possible? As a human will I always struggle with this feeling of internal division? It seems as though I am all about me . . . though I know this is not always the truth, but even in that statement - I know it is really true. I do what I like to do, when I like to do it and if I do not want to do something then I do not do it. OK, there are times I may not want to do work, but I do go on and do the work that needs done, but even then, I have made a decision to do what needs done. So in some odd way, I control my world even in my work.

What does it mean to be exceptional? "Top Drawer" as one wise fellow put it? What happens if you are not above average? What is average? I consider myself to be an average, ordinary man. I do not stand out in a crowd, unless I want to stand out. However, I am not outstanding in the eyes of men or the world. I am just a regular Joe living my life day to day. Paying bills and taxes. Raising kids to the best of my ability and keeping one said dog alive . . . Mind you now, I am the only me there ever will be - so I am exceptional. I am original . . . the true authentic Tim. I love to learn, and grow and become, though many time it seems I remain the same all the time. Maybe it is that I desire to change, learn and grow, then never get up off my butt and embrace the things I have thought about. Can I be the best me and be average? Is that OK? Will I accomplish the things I need to as a man if I continue to be me? Like this, I want to be a good dad. I mean a dad that my kids can love and follow. However, there are some things I have taught my kids by my actions that I wish they would not have learned, but they have. This is a hard thing for this dad to see in my kids. The bad things they have learned from me. Here is a song I like it is called, Watching You by Rodney Atkins. I know my kids have picked up some of the good things that I do like about me as well. It seems all I can see is my faults in living color right in front of me. Wow, where did all that come from?

Onto bigger things. I want to be the Biggest Loser. I really do. I must change my behavior and embrace a new paradigm in order to get out of this box. What more needs to be said? It is all me. I love you all. Thank you for reading my blog along the way. Peace