A blur

The past few days have been a blur. Diana and I were on our way to the west side of Michigan for a wedding. We made it to Grand Haven and stopped to change. While we were changing we received a call from Diana's sister saying her mom Doris was on her way to the hospital un responsive. We were able to view the wedding. The wedding was amazing. Shortly after the wedding my wife received a second call from her sister. Doris Alonso my wife's mom had a major stroke and there was an uncontrolled bleed in her brain that surgery would it fix. She would not make it much longer. Diana and I left the wedding to head home and inform our children. This was a difficult ride and telling each of our children was hard. We were able to book a flight for Diana on Sunday. The kids and I got on the road at 5 pm that same evening. My mother in law passed from this life to the next near 3:00 pm on Sunday. We drone to Lexington Kentucky. Spent the night. Woke up and returned to the road at 8am Monday. Made it to plant city by 11:30 pm. Nikki drove the final two hour of the trip. I was spent and exhausted. I am still very tired as I finish writing this note. Pleas pray for our family. Death is difficult no matter when it comes. Peace.

Out with my Family

I do not remember my attitude when I was a teenager. How rude and selfish was I? Being a parent is the most amazing and challenging Job that I have ever had to date. Why does it seem that hurt is the objective. I do not know how to deal with the rude and mean spirit that exudes from on of my children. I am about done with the battle. I do have to say I enjoy being with myself. I believe I am kind and loving to myself. I have much to learn. Peace

Tears fill my eyes . . .

Out with my boys to visit my mom and stopped by White Castles. The tears come to my eyes because a memory of my sons treating each other poorly over some French fries we had in a McDonald's in Alabama. To save money I was not able to buy each kid fries. I asked one son to share fries with the other kid and he threw a fry in anger to the other son. I was so full of anger at this foolishness. Then today I asked the son who was treated badly to give his fries to his brother and he did. This was a much different experience. My mind is flooded at times by my mess ups. I know I have done well as a parent at times. I also know I have failed miserably. It is my hope that I continue to learn.
Peace.

Just Before

I am here at Brightmoor Christian Church. I arrived early. I am thankful to be here today. I am in anticipation of whatever God will teach me. On the way in today the Christian radio played a song about forgiveness and how it ultimately frees the person who is angry. I need to apply a lot of forgiveness. I am so sad by an ongoing wrong in my life. How do you forgive something that is not going to change once you move from hurt to forgiveness?i long for fulfillment and realization of a life long dream. I just do not know. Emotionally raw, spiritually broken, and kinda lost in some ways. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief. I know this makes sense to no one but my creator and myself. I only ask that you say a prayer for me that I will trust God and walk in obedience. I must make a choice to live rightly before God. I have a need to live this way. I am at the same time hurt, frustrated, and angry. I do not care for these sad feelings. I tend to be a happy person. But this cloud of sadness has been in my life for many years. Wow, I am glad that is out of me. Peace.