I am not alone . . .

Sometimes in life you get that all alone feeling. Like you are the only one that is struggling with some issue. This year has been an interesting year to say the least. I know I am where I should be, but I do not know if I like exactly where I am. I choose to leave a church as their part time youth pastor in August of 2007. I enjoyed the rest that the absence of that job created. I will not say I was burnt out, but I was smoldering. 8.5 years of excellent love and ministry in addition to a full time job as a Paraprofessional left me a bit exhausted. The freedom of living with out a second job was short lived when the bills indicated that we were not making enough money, not to mention the fact that everything in the world was costing more. The two played out into the need for me to find additional work. Enter the opportunity at Busch's . I have been a cashier there for the past 11 months. I pray for a raise in the near future. It has been a good, hard working job. The pay is about one third of what I made at the church, but still sure it was the decision I had to make. My wife also had the opportunity to pick up some tutoring that allowed us to enjoy the summer. Then it was back to the grind. We had to borrow money to make the bills, and all. We still owe money to people. We tried to continue to live like we had the old job, but were soon thrust into a situation in these past few months where the decisions have been between bills and food, and if you do not keep up with bills, then things start getting shut off. Well, I do not know how we have made it fully, but we have not died yet. I long for the day when some of the debt will be eliminated and I will know freedom financially. The toll of this struggle has put tension between my wife and I and lets just say that things can only get better. I love her completely and fully, but it has been hard on the old relationship. I am more on edge with my kids because of many issues: weight, debt, marriage, work . . . It has all been pressing in all at once. I am glad to know that even when I am alone and feel that I am the only one under these pressures, and I must admit, my pressures are lite. I do not want to be whining for nothing. I have two jobs, a house and a car, family and I am just blessed beyond belief. But at times I allow the things of life to press me in and make me feel like a looser. Like I am not where I should be, or who I should be or what I should be. I am me. I am the best me I know how to be, that is not to say that I do not want to learn and grow and become an better best me. I am always wanting to learn. Fitness it the word, and it is a multi-front attack on the things that are pressing me. One thing that I want to build on is my relationship with my kids. I have been so busy, that they have often taken a second seat to all that is going on in life. I feel regret for that, and it is motivating me to relational fitness with my children. They are growing up so fast it is not funny. Pray for me as I try to be a better me. I know that sounds funny. I am praying for you. I want to know you through this thing called blog. Send me a not or make a comment if any of this makes sense to you or you are encouraged or discouraged. Thank you for allowing me to have this place to share. Peace

(art found at: http://www.coloria.net/dig.art/kuvat/05together839x600.jpg )